| “ | BAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH! | „ | |
| ― Sank |
Sank is an EXE made by Angrythemodder, who is the Friday Night Funkin': The Demonic Trinity equivalent of Sunky.MPEG and is a parody of his father, Kseno.
THE PUPPY WHO CAN SUMMON THE POWERS OF SATAN[]
Sank is not like the other "EXEs," since most of Kseno's children will try to FREAKING KILL YOU! Now, I'm not supposed to talk to you, the reader, but since this is a joke character, I HAVE an excuse to do so! Anyway, so, this little guy is like I said, THE PUPPY WHO CAN SUMMON THE POWERS OF SATAN!!! Though in this case, Kseno is Satan, but I guess that Kseno's evilness skipped a generation. You know! Like Star Wars!
Anyway, I'll stop beating around the bush and get straight to THE POINT! You see, this little guy is indeed the Friday Night Funkin': The Demonic Trinity equivalent of Sunky.MPEG. Funny enough, I can't spell "equivalent" right without a spellchecker most of the time. Okay, okay, I'll stop! Anyway, so, this guy, that you see before you, with your own two eyeballs that God gave you, is much more of a jokester than his dad was. Well, okay, I'll bring up the elephant in the room: His gender. He seems to be a guy, but actually, he isn't! He just uses the pronouns of he/him! I don't know why, though, I think it's because of that guy, EXE. Also, because he's a Preborn, Sank is ALSO technically genderless, or should I say, genitalless? Yes, that's a REAL word, look it up!
Now, like Doofenshmirtz, it's time for the backstory! Backstory, backstory, backstory! Okay, so why is this little guy the way he is? Well, in a nutshell, he was dropped on his head as a child, and his eyes are green because some Dance Party Helper got into his eyes. Now, I'll go into more detail in The Tale section, but we're only JUST getting started here!
He wants to get the largest dance party in the world to happen (probably not going to happen, like ever!) and have breakfast with all of his friends.
That's everything so far, but I only started writing the page, so the other sections are like Dracula's reflection! They don't exist! At least, not yet.
Appearance[]
He seems to be a badly drawn version of Sonic (well, it MIGHT be bad, but that's just the ambiguity of the English language) with green dots representing the eyeballs and an S-shaped scar on his chest. His fur is also slightly bluer.
The Tale[]
Alright, so you wanted to hear his story? Well, stick around! Because this one is QUITE the doozy! Seriously, where did the word "doozy" come from anyway? Anyway, that's quite funny because I said "anyway" twice in a row. Okay, let's get serious, or rather, let's get NOT serious! Also, have you, the reader, ever come across a page for a joke character with grammar that DOESN'T suck?
Okay, so Sank is probably the youngest of Kseno's children. (By the way, the Prophesied One hasn't been born yet, and probably won't be for MILLIONS of years) Kseno was just chilling, doing stuff (I don't know what he was doing, because I wasn't there when it happened. OH WAIT! I'm the author, so therefore I AM GOD, I'M THE EARTH!!! I AM TRUTH!!! I MAKE UP THE RULES!!!), when for some reason... He gave birth. Yes. You heard that right. Remember when I said that Kseno was genderless? Well, that's why. Kseno can asexually reproduce, and that means that he can reproduce without a partner. Yep. I'm not making this up! In fact, I ALREADY MADE IT UP GOD KNOWS HOW LONG AGO!
Anyway, so, he became pregnant (I swear to God, content farms are going to make slop out of his ability to become pregnant) yet again, for GOD KNOWS which time, and gave birth relatively painlessly. Now I say this because he has a high pain tolerance. Out of his weird-ass belly came... OF COURSE, Sank!
Kseno was like, "AH SHIT, HERE WE GO AGAIN!", you know, like that meme from that game I probably haven't played, and a few years passed, and our adorable little fella grew up, but Kseno, as you may know (well, you know NOW, because I'm telling you), Kseno is like the worst dad ever. Pretty much as bad as Peter Griffin. (I haven't seen Family Guy, but I know that he sucks as a dad; after all, the expression is "Every child deserves a parent, but not every parent deserves a child.") I mean, this dude's evil, heart blacker than Don Cheadle (I just learned how to properly spell his name, also, nobody, literally NOBODY EVER GETS THESE REFERENCES OF MINE), so of course he decided to drop Sank on his head for fun. Yes. Sank was LITERALLY dropped on his head as a child. That's why he's like this.
But the mistreatment DIDN'T STOP THERE! Because when Sank was three years old, Kseno decided, just for shits and giggles, to spray some Dance Party Helper into Sank's eyes. But this wasn't your ordinary kind of Dance Party Helper (I have no idea what the fuck that is, made up or not), oh no no no no no! This was LIME-flavored Dance Party Helper! Yeah, it got into his eyes, which were black at the time, and SOMEHOW, for some UNFATHOMABLE reason, they became permanently dark green!
Now, I'm NOT making fun of child abuse. Child abuse SUCKS! It sucks as much as AI, and AI is the tech of the Devil! Fortunately, the child abuse stopped. Why? Well, it's because he ran away, thank God! So, yeah, Sank ran away from home so that he could have his own adventures without his deadbeat dad.
Kseno, who couldn't LESS of a SHIT, decided to let the kid run wild on his adventures. Now, Sank travels the world to get everyone to dance and host the world's largest dance party ever!
He might be able to solve world hunger with his abilities...
Personality[]
Now, that was a lot, wasn't it? Well, fortunately, I won't have to go into THAT much detail here. This little guy puts the "looney" in LooneyDude. This guy is kind of wild and unpredictable, but in a good way. He doesn't want to harm anyone or anything, and like a girl, he just wants to have fun! He's also into breakfast for some reason, like REALLY, REALLY into it. I don't know why, but it's kind of concerning. He's also a goofy kind of guy who's also into cats and breakdancing. He also tends to misspell. After all, we live in the same goddamn world where someone started writing upside down because they hit their head, and started writing normally again when they hit their head again. He's also kind of childish, believe it or not, and also doesn't talk. Like. At all. Well, that's not true, because outside of mimicking SpongeBob, he's quite the silent dude!
Potential[]
- Word Manifestation: Apparently, he can do that, and no, DON'T ask me why. I'm the author, and I still don't know why this is! Now, what exactly is word manifestation? Well, have you ever seen the Adam West Batman movie or Batman (1966 TV Series)? I haven't. At least, not yet. But whether or not you have, I'll just do a recap. It's just words manifesting to represent onomatopoeia. That's it. Could you imagine if real life worked like that? That would be pretty confusing for people who speak other languages, wouldn't it? He can transform a spoken word into the actual object, materializing solid words in their depicted form (i.e., Spoken "fire" would create fire).
- Elasticity: He has superhuman elasticity, enabling him to stretch, bend, twist, flatten, deform, inflate, and contract his entire body, including limbs, torso, neck, and more.
- Vocal Replication: He can mimic the voices of others or imitate sounds such as animal noises and explosions. He prefers to mimic SpongeBob's laughter for some reason. He's like one of those lyrebirds, you know, those birds that can mimic a lot of natural and artificial sounds? They're also quite pretty! Well, the males at least, when they fan their tails out in a courtship display.
- Dancing Mastery: So you know how Sonic is into breakdancing? Well, not only is Sank also into that, but he is also a master of dancing. He is a master of dancing, being capable of flawlessly performing any type of dance, be it graceful classical dances, such as ballet, to funky freestyle dances such as hip-hop.
- Dance Inducement: He can make others break into dance, WHETHER THEY LIKE IT OR NOT.
- Manipulative Dancing: As Caddy, the master of the Caddy Daddy dance once said: "DANCE FOR ME, DANCE MY LITTLE PUPPET, DANCE THE WHOLE NIGHT AWAY!!!" or something like that. Yeah, he can control the actions of the targets by dancing; this may include even inanimate or dead targets, but only the target's body, not their minds. Yeah, your body being forced to dance is a fate WORSE THAN DEATH.
- Life-Force Absorption: Like his dad, Sank can apparently absorb life-force/energy, vitality, and health, while removing it from the source, into his body and use it in various ways, gaining some form of advantage, either by enhancing himself, gaining the drained power, using it as a power source, etc, either temporarily or permanently.
- Omnifarious: Like his dad, he can turn into whatever the fuck he wants. He has complete and absolute control over his own physical being, allowing him to manipulate his shape, density, size, quantity, or to be solid, liquid, gaseous, or pure energy.
- Fire Manipulation: Alongside all of the other aforementioned abilities and powers that Kseno DOESN'T have, though I think that Sank got these powers through random mutations Cult of the Lamb-style (if you haven't played it, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE?!? After all, what is the Internet for?) and one of the powers that he got from his father who is also a FUCKING SCORPION (yes, that happens in his story, go read it if you haven't, and tell me what you think of my story) He can manipulate, shape, and control fire, which results from a rapid oxidation process that releases heat, light, and reaction by-products like smoke, soot, and ash. Yes, I plagiarized the Superpower Wiki, but nobody cares. Also, he rarely uses this ability, because to him, it's as useless as boobs on a bull (a female one at that) or an arse with a smaller arse on it. Also, I don't know why I became British there. Because you should know that I'm a FUCKING AMERICAN, bitch! Also, nobody cares if I stole Caddy's jokes or the Nerd's jokes. (Seriously, go watch Caddicarus and the Angry Video Game Nerd, and maybe even Nostalgia Critic, because that's some GOOD SHIT, and "good shit" is kind of an oxymoron, that is, a moron full of oxygen. Okay, that last joke was ACTUALLY MINE. You can find all three of them on YouTube if you look far enough.)
- Levitation: He can make himself or other subjects hover unassisted, allowing them to float into the air and preventing them from touching the ground below. Funnily enough, (humor is subjective, mind you), he can't levitate very fast.
- Flight: This ability is kind of redundant, don't you think? After all, both of them let you go above the ground. Now, I think of the difference like this: flying is active, while levitation is passive. Also, the two are related like... Bread and butter? That's a terrible analogy that I just thought of. What I meant to say was consciousness and intelligence, which are related, but are NOT THE SAME, and YOU'RE CRAZY FOR THINKING THAT THEY ARE THE SAME!!! He can fly or achieve independent movement in a gaseous atmosphere or a vacuum, and can do so through various means. He can't fly very fast.
- Teleportation: Apparently, he can do that. Like Lord X, he did that. Oh, he did.
- Size Manipulation: He can manipulate the size of anything and everything, from tiny to absolutely gigantic, while retaining their physical proportions; he may be able to alter the target's density. He can move instantaneously from one location to another without physically occupying the space in between or transfer matter (beings/objects, including themselves) or energy from one point to another without traversing the physical space between them.
- Laughter Inducement: Some dude said that there is nothing more contagious than laughter. Well, it's true! He can induce laughter in others, whether it be through comedy or by other means. Now, his humor is pretty much like mine (I'm a forgotten, old hag), where it is slightly outdated, being on par with the kind of shit that you'd see on the Internet in 2014 (he was born in 2020, probably got his shitty humor from his father), that is, his humor is like that of Internet memes from 2014 and no matter how outdated his humor is, he can SOMEHOW still make people laugh like he's Jack Black! (Hey! That rhymed!)
- Smile Inducement: <Insert that one clip of the Nerd trying to mimic Dracula's smile here.> Yeah, he can cause people to smile uncontrollably. Like his father, Sank has WAY TOO MANY powers! Let's put a smile on that face! This power is an extension of his next power. Speaking of which...
- Happiness Inducement: Like SCP-999 (read that bitch if you haven't!), he can induce a state of joyful, cheerful delight in a target, and if hostile, he can make them into his best friend, but unfortunately, he's not at a high enough level yet.
- Clothing Generation: Yeah, he can do that. He can produce/create/generate clothing by drawing them in from Tengoku; after all, he was born there and can get them out of portals to this place like he's fucking Kang the Conqueror. Man, I'm glad I made this page, so that I can show the world how funny I am! Anyway, so he uses this weird power to make sure that his victims, or rather, friends, can party in the right clothes.
- Absolute Fear Inducement: Not only does he have Kseno's fear inducement, but it is SOMEHOW even STRONGER than Kseno's fear inducement! As someone in the comments section below this page has noted, he is "cute." But if you met this guy, you PROBABLY wouldn't say the same! He possesses the ability to instill absolute horror in anyone, regardless of their power or abilities. Yes, even Kseno is afraid of him! After all, that's why it's called ABSOLUTE Fear Inducement! Also, I got to piss and take a shower right now. I'll be right back. Maybe. <Sniff> Maybe. Okay, I'm back from pissing and showering.
- Evocation: <Clears throat> Woolooloo! Okay, that obviously didn't do SHIT, but you get where I'm going with this, right? Anyway, he can call upon or summon spirits or other kinds of entities for specific tasks, such as gathering information or some practical application aimed at manifestation in the physical world. I don't know how he got this ability, but he has it all right!
- Object Summoning: He is capable of summoning objects to bring about various effects. They're mostly party-related in some way.
- Cartoon Physics: Now, I don't have much time, because I have to get to my dentist's appointment later on, but while I'm still here, I'll tell you about this ability. He can operate under the whimsical and exaggerated rules of animated worlds, replacing the rigid laws of reality with those dictated by humor, creativity, and absurdity. After all, the Nerd said that logic is for pussies!
- Illusion Manipulation: He can manipulate illusions and hallucinations, allowing him to alter the perceptions of others and create entirely fabricated experiences. Oh shit! My mom's calling me!
- Telekinesis: Okay, guys and gals and everyone in between, I'm back. Turns out, it WASN'T a dentist's appointment. It was a DERMATOLOGY appointment. Big difference. Now, you would logically THINK that I was making that shit up for the sake of comedy, but no. You would be... WRONG! Because the funny thing is, I'm not making that up. I AM DEAD FUCKING SERIOUS. That dermatology appointment actually happened to me in real life. When I say "real life," I mean REAL real life. The same real life that you are from, right? Anyway, tangent aside, he can manipulate matter, energy, or even other aspects of the physical world using the power of his mind. Also, my mouse just had a fucking seizure. It really did. You can see the ability in action when he has this green or blue aura around him, and he's raising his arms like he's handing himself into the FBI for tax evasion.
- Reality Warping: He can change, create, or even destroy parts of or the entirety of reality.
- Realistic Appearance Manipulation: He can manipulate how reality itself looks and how detailed it is. He can make it so that reality looks more like a cartoon or a piece of art or he can make it so it is more detailed than it would work in reality, our reality, not fiction (think of turning a cartoon world into a live action world, or a live action world that looks like ours turned into a real world with more detail.) So yeah, if you're near this little guy and the world turns into a cartoon, that's not his illusion manipulation, that's actually how reality looks now, though he can change it at will in case you couldn't guess. You haven't gone crazy, the WORLD HAS!
- Technology Manipulation: He possesses complete control over all technology and devices and can create and manipulate technology, the sum of techniques, skills, methods, and processes used in the production of goods or services or in the accomplishment of objectives.
- Love Inducement: Okay, I lied when I said he didn't have this power. He does now! He can induce love into others, including the love for him or love for another person. Strangely enough, he is demisexual, no, not bisexual, DEMISEXUAL. There's a difference. In case you don't know, or if you DO know, I'm just going to define it whether YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. Now, this term normally only applies to HUMANS, but fuck it, because he's NOT a human. He's a Preborn. Demisexual means, at least according to Wiktionary, "Sexually attracted to people only after a strong emotional bond has been formed." So, he CAN make people fall in love, but he mostly chooses NOT to. After all, he's a FUCKING five-year-old!
Trivia[]
- He is not only a satire of Kseno, but also of Angrythemodder's older drawings and how much they "suck." That is why Sank's lines are so thick.
- His favorite cereal is Reese's Puffs, because that's Angrythemodder's favorite cereal.
- Sank's name is just Sunky, but two letters off. That's it. Also, I got to go to dinner with my parents. Yes, I have parents and a life outside of this.
- Since Sunky.MPEG is older than negative one and younger than twenty-five, Angrythemodder, or rather, I, decided to use Random.org (you should check it out, there's some really good shit.) and generate a number between zero and twenty-four, because if it's older than negative one and younger than twenty-five, that means that it is a number between those two, and after one roll, yes, ONE ROLL. ONE FUCKING ROLL, the number that was generated was five, and that's why he is five years old, and mind you, Wolfgang rocked harder than Skrillex when Wolfgang was five years old!
- I'm ninety-nine percent sure that his shoes were supposed to be gray, but I kind of forgot to make it so, because I kind of suck. Also, his colors were stolen from Sunky.MPEG at the last minute.
- The evocation was not supposed to be a thing with him, but it is anyway!
- Believe it or not, his IQ is 105, and I think that's because that's roughly MY IQ! Not bad!